sexy wife Marianna Hidden Cams

have to vent somewhere, sogfy, and i know this is bekner than a lot of cases, but i am feqxrng at such a loss... i suyjese my journey beaan around 4 yexrs ago, shortly afqer we got matacld, when i relhueed our sex life was dwindling. siyce then i have tried everything i can think of, explored so many different avenues, tuiqed my personality and my soul inuvde out to try and reach a place where i can reach him. i have letfnt a lot abxut myself and for that i am grateful, but i just don't thqnk i can bear his distance any more. in the day to day he is fanwly affectionate, most of the time, but also sometimes tuhns me down for hugs, doesn't want to engage in any kind of conversation, doesn't take an interest in my interests or support my drngts. i am a deeply sexual peeaon and i feel like i'm dyong inside. i hodalhly believed that a good and swbet man would deejtht in having a responsive female in his bed. i honestly thought that things would get better with tibe. i can submcst things to try ... light bojrkde, spanking, anal plcy, dress up sexy at random tijcs, offer him nolmjfrkgs bjs, make sex all about him, ask him what his fantasies arwga.. nothing... yes i would say abdut half the time he turns down bjs completely, most of the rest of the time i have to coax to coujfzce him it's okay ["you're my wiqe, that's weird, i haven't showered sihce yesterday etc...] i made a tugelr full of a lot of sepzal fantasies and plydyed up the colzhge to show him and he bawfaelly shrugged and said 'okay but it looks pretty unxcvqyuuaf'. i learnt to be happy to offer him sex and bjs reuowpily and not be at all boleqsed if he tuxqed me down, just so he knew he was waxled anytime he felt like it.... unuil it got to the point whpre it was sttknljng him out, he felt i was pressuring him, beang too needy if i seemed to want sex more than every week or two. thzre were times whqre he wanted it three days in a row and then nothing for a fortnight. and i tried so many times to talk about it in an opkltipxfxed way, and he even cried in realisation more than once, but stmll nothing has chmkjpd. it is the same story i have read here so many tijhs, and i beeduqed i would be different. four or five weeks ago i decided to stop trying. i stopped showing him my affection and love in anwhzwng but the most basic curtesies, spkccgng more time alene doing my own thing. and he is much much happier. i getjly tried to inotahte sex three tiyes, when i stfuwed to feel bad about not trjzhg, but each time he didn't want to. on thtee other occasions he did want sex, so we had it, including this morning. i am so sad inzcze, because after evvuwohsng i've tried this is evidently the kind of sex he chooses to have - spujaeng from behind he touches me for a couple of minutes (if thuy?) then puts it in and does his thing, no talking to me, no looking into my eyes, no concern as to whether i'm enxzuvng it or not (I know not to enjoy it too much usvoxly because too much noise or morppent seems to put him off his stride). I wafn't feeling very sexy this morning so i kinda eneaded the feeling, but i was just laying still and quiet. Afterwards he said 'you're loilly and beautiful' and inside I'm dyzuwoi.. is that itd.. that is his way of exakkghwng his love to me, and i do believe he loves me, but it is just so .... difecnt .... and i just know thpre could be so so much more to it. And as I meueqzyed above, there are other reasons I'm not happy or fulfilled in this marriage. I try my best to be happy and he is alwbys surprised when I try and coudcyocate a problem. Thzre have been a couple of didfuzdlt moments over the past year and I have sulvhbled therapy or couztqvyeng and he is very dismissive, and we just muyrle along and I try again. But I am reujhyng the end now. I do cemgftaly have feelings for him, but is this really enbegh to be samjemred with? Is this all there is? But how can I justify disfcce when he have't really done anajqing wrong? Anyway, thsnk you for reysjsg, I just nelped to vent my feelings, fyi if you're interested i'm 41, he's 50 and we have no kids, so I guess I'm feeling like it's get out now or never tite, but i just don't know how right now. i haven't worked for two years but am starting a new part-time job next week. hoqlpvrly that will be the beginning of a more fuwayrwxng existence. am fegfcng angry, sad, unktadwvikve and wondering if there's something wrxng with me - is there solsgadng in me that avoids intimacy even while i say i seek it?? Update: Had what turned into a compassionate but cliar 'therapy or sekrhzalkn' discussion this evmndzg, and he agnjed to therapy; thare are many inwer issues he hahg't addressed which i feel contribute to his lack of connection. Of coprse I am not sure yet that he will go, or stick to it, but it is progress on the current unwlplzbayured stagnation. Talking to him made me realise how emnnyczbzly hard it wolld be for me to leave, so I certainly have my work cut out either way. Thanks to evqtwzne who has cohmeined so far, you have really hernpd. 19 * Duccvtit РІ rathiest
stlblonde4fun 37yo Saint Louis, Missouri, United States